1. Large, loft style apartments in New
York City are well within the
price range of most people-whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb,
don't worry which wire to
cut. You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful
enough to override
the communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily
outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to
attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until
you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go
to bed, everything in your
bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is
possible to become a world expert
on nuclear fission at the age of twenty-two.
8 Honest and hard working policemen are
gunned down three days before their retirement.
9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs
prefer to kill
their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses,
pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks,
which will allow their captives at least twenty minutes to escape.
10.During all police investigations,
it will be necessary to visit a
strip club at least once.
11. All beds have special L-shaped cover
reach up to the armpit level on a woman
but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
12. All grocery shopping bags contain
at least one
stick of French bread.
13. It's easy for anyone to land a plane
there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
14. Once applied, lipstick will never
while scuba diving.
15. You're very likely to survive any
battle in any war
unless you make the mistake of showing someone
a picture of your sweetheart back home.
16. Should you wish to pass yourself
off as a German
or Russian officer, it will not be necessary
to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.
(It used to be an English accent for the German.)
17. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
18. A man will show no pain while taking
ferocious beating but will wince when a woman
tries to clean his wounds.
19. If a large pane of glass is visible,
will be thrown through it before long.
20. If staying in a haunted house, women
investigate any strange noises
in their most revealing underwear.
21. Word processors never display a cursor
but will always say: Enter Password Now.
22. Even when driving down a perfectly
it is necessary to turn the steering wheel
vigorously from left to right every few moments.
23. All bombs are fitted with electronic
with large red readouts so you know exactly
when they're going to go off.
24. A detective can only solve a case
once he has
been suspended from duty.
25. If you decide to start dancing in
everyone you meet will know all the steps.
26. Police departments give their officers
to make sure they are deliberately assigned
a partner who is their total opposite
27. When they are alone, all foreign
prefer to speak to each other in English.