Once upon a time there was a man who
had a passion for the baked bean. He loved them,
but they always had an embrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry,
he thought to himself "She'll never go for me carring on like that," so he made the
supreme sacrifice and gave upbeans, and shortly after they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived
in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk.
On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans
overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any
ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and beforeleaving had three
extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he'putt-putted'. He 'putted' down
one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed
'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight'.
She put a blindfold on him, and led him to a chair at the head of the table and made him
promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on.
Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, thetelephone rang. She made him
promise not to peek until she returned, and went to answerthe phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go.
It was not only loud but "ripe" as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for
the napkin and fanned the air around him. He had just started to feel better, when another
urge came on. He raised his leg and "rrriiiippp'! This one sounded like a diesel engine reving up, andsmelled worse. To keep from gagging he fanned his arms a while, hoping the smell
would dissapate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming.
He shifted his weight to the other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner,
the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the
table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway,
and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the
next 10 minutes, farting and fanning them each timewith his napkin.
When he heard the phone farewells (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom)
he neatly folded his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it.
Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife returned.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner.
After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and shouted
To his shock and horror, there were 12 dinner guests seated around the table
for his surprise birthday party.